Every other time I have gone on a car trip, it has been with my parents doing all the necessary preparations for the house and the car. Now I am racking my brains, trying to think of what I might need to do - trying to remember what they did do - to get ready for a trip.
So much I need to pack...
So much I need to make sure I get done...
Mustn't leave anything in the fridge that can go off while I'm gone.
And a subsequent praise point that comes out of this car trip, we're off to see more Fosters! I get to be an aunty to two lovely children. I've been their aunty for months now, but I am now actually able to be an aunt to them! Last time I spent time with them I felt a little uncomfortable because I couldn't really say I was their aunt. More like 'the girl your uncle wants to marry'. And trying to explain that to a 1 year old boy and an unborn child was a bit much.
But now, I am their aunt! No more weird explanations or feeling awkward around kids when I love kids!
I feel more comfortable around Phil's brother and sister-in-law too. Not that they ever made me uncomfortable, I just didn't know how I fit in when I was just a girlfriend. Though we became engaged that weekend, I still didn't feel very sure of myself around all these people who I felt I had to impress with my maturity. As a 19 year old who got engaged after 3.5 months, I felt like I had to show that I was mature. But it came out rather awkward. I guess I felt very young. Even now I still feel (and I am!) young. I'm only 20. But what's to stop me relating with people older than me? What's to make me feel like I can't?
Exactly!
Which is kind of leading me to another subject (sorry about this scatty post) which I have posted a bit about, and thought a lot about. Beauty.
What is stopping me feeling beautiful and what is making me feel like I am not?
I watched a documentary on body image. A fairly balanced and broad take on how people feel about their body. Anorexia of course was in there, but there was more: how children viewed themselves and each other, what they wanted to be; how adults wanted to have surgery on their feet (so they can fit the expensive, sexy shoes they buy), and on their vaginas (because they wanted to look like pornographic women).
A lot of the documentary scared me. Sometimes in a bad way (like the vagina part - no pictures, but scary thought), but also in a self-reflective way. I'd find myself thinking, 'How can they think that?' but then I suddenly remembered my own thoughts when looking at myself very recently.
I hadn't really thought about myself. For quite a while I've been jumping up and down on the 'Stop sexualisation of women and children' bandwagon, reading articles, watching documentaries and such, and trying to get people to think about how they are beautiful. I didn't consciously think about myself. That's not really good or bad, I just didn't. I stopped thinking about it a while ago when I noticed I was thinking more positively than I used to.
Yet, when I watched other people thinking negatively about their body, I saw myself and realised that I still worry so much. Not as much, but I don't want to worry. I want to stop worrying.
Ah, to stop worrying. Something I can and should start now...
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